After some careful deliberation involving a ceremonial killing, we the people do hereby ordain and establish this, the winning entry of our over-the-world-famous cartoon caption contest.

Drum roll, cymbal crash, et cetera.

"The real problem is when he pees."

"The real problem is when he pees."

Congratulations to our winner Jessica Kantrowitz! You will receive an email from me with your five dollar gift certificate! Which is good because I owe you an email anyway. How are you sister?
Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking. How is it fair that I give the award to so dear a friend of mine. Well, let’s be honest. I knew everyone who made a submission, with the exception of two (I think).
But, because I love you so much, I am awarding two more prizes. (Gracious! Magnanimous!) Yes, I hereby award the auspicious honor of “Most Postmodern Submission” to…(opens envelope)…What’s this? A tie? Yes! A tie! The award goes to SD Smith and the mysterious “JP” for the following submissions:

“A cape, Kip? My dog flies and that’s the best you can come up with? We should get him a cape? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you.” (SD Smith)

“Dude why are you riding a tricycle? Aren’t you like thirty?” (JP)

Re: that last one. Yes. Yes. That child looks far too old to be riding a tricycle. But it just goes to show you why it is unfair to draw conclusions without really understanding a person. Whereas this “JP” person attributes the individual’s size to his age (30) he is sorely mistaken. This child isonly six years old, but is stricken with a rare disorder wherein his cartoonist is unable to realistically portray age. Coincidentally, the tricycle’s tire is stricken with a rare condition called “Cartoonistus-Unableus-to drawus-circleus”.

Congrats to our actual winner and to the other guys too, who are so postmodern they quote Brian McLaren like Plato quoted Socrates.

Look forward to some more of these in the future.