1. Lest your hope in the police be restored, allow me to shatter it with this horrifying story.

2. If a SWAT team doesn’t attack you as in the above story, an SNL comedian just might…just before eating!!

3. If you’re wondering what could make someone crazy enough to punch rockstars just before eating, the answer is in the water. Yet another reason to distrust our government. (Special thanks to Riley Miller for pointing out this disturbing development).

4. If you’re looking for proof that Obama is the anti-Christ, the Burnsdie Writers Collective provides it…in spades!

5. As long as we’re talking about the folks at Burnside, may I pose a question? Am I the last person on earth to hear about the Blue Like Jazz  movie? Am I? Am I?? And secondly, can this much-above-average book make anything other than a mediocre movie? Can it? Can it??