1) I have added two pages to the blog. Above you will see links to “A Conversation with t clair”, which is essentially a revised “about me” page. Next to that you will find a Reccomended Reading link. The list there is brief so far, but I will be adding to it continually.

2) I get to see this guy on July 3rd in Birmingham. Huzzah!

3) Chris Case pointed this out over at reformergent. For only forty dollars a year, you can email your loved ones when the rapture comes! It’s hard for me to believe this is anything but a money-making scheme. Sometimes I wonder if people have more faith in their theology than they do in God.

4) If you didn’t see it already, check out Colin’s review or the new Indiana Jones film over at the Hill. It sums up my thoughts precisely. It reminded me of a few years back when I was given a rare interview with Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. As I recall, the interview didn’t end well. I think I offended EIII. Following is the interview in its entirety, as it originally appeared in my column “Miracle Valley” for Dubque Iowa’s River Stages magazine. Cheers.

t clair interviews the movies
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Journalists everywhere have been seeking interviews with legendary film maker George Lucas since he first announced his vision to expand the Star Wars universe almost a decade ago.  Now that most of America has seen the final installment of the new prequel trilogy, many have wondered what the opinion of the film itself is.  I had the opportunity to sit down with Episode III and discuss just that.

I met up with the film while he was on a much needed rest from publicity spots across the country.  I had sensed some animosity from him since my 1999 interview with his brother The Phantom Menace, which I began with the question: So, why do you suck so bad?  But it seemed all had been forgiven when he opened up his posh Los Angeles home to me.

I waited in a spacious living room decorated with family memorabilia.  Episode III came down stairs dressed casually in faded blue jeans and an I <3 New York t-shirt.  He smiled at me like we were old friends, and then said he only had a minute, so I got the interview underway quickly.

T: I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t think you’d agree to an interview…
EIII: Don’t worry.  I’m over the whole Phantom Menace thing.  We’re brothers, but we’re not especially close.
T: Yeah.  I sensed some distance between you guys when I first saw you on May 19.
EIII: Yeah, well, you know, we still love each other, and we still talk and all, but it’s just that we’re doing different things with our lives now.  I mean, I’ve still got tons of merchandising ahead of me and I don’t think anyone’s bought a Jar-Jar shirt in four years! (laughs)
T: What is Phantom doing right now?
EIII: Well, he wants to move on, but George (Lucas) is trying to get him to collaborate on another project.  I think it’s a THX sequel.
T: Phantom isn’t interested?
EIII: Well, it’s not that we don’t love George.  I mean, we all do, even New Hope.  It’s just that we’re all kind of frustrated with him right now.  Empire, Hope, and Jedi all kind of feel left out.  Y’know, it’s the typical child in later life scenario.  It kind of alienates the other kids.
T: Do you ever talk to the original trilogy?
EIII: Oh sure.  We’re all real close.  They don’t really resent us, perse, they’re mainly just frustrated with George.  He hasn’t been doing too well since Indiana Jones.
T: I think we’ve all sensed that.  I wanted to talk a little about your overall feel.  You’re personality is a little darker than your siblings.
EIII: Yeah.  A lot of folks say I’m most like Empire.  I think that’s true for the most part.  I definitely have that darker side, no pun intended! (laughs)  But I’ve always felt closer to Return of the Jedi.  We’re different in many ways, but we’re both model train enthusiasts, and it’s always brought us together.
T: What do you think of yourself overall?  How do you fit in with your siblings?
EIII: Well, there’s definitely some places where we don’t all connect, plot wise I mean.  But that’s bound to happen when you’re all made by one man with a huge, evolving vision.  I definitely represent a more thought out, elaborate variation on my sibling’s mythology.  As a stand alone film, I think I work.
T: But not as a part of the whole story?
EIII: …uh…well…no.
T: How do you respond to rumors that you and Katie Holmes are involved?
EIII: Tom (Cruise) and I are good friends and I would never do anything to lose that friendship.  He’s always had a good relationship with films in my genre.  He was great in Minority Report.  Katie and I are also just friends…
T: What about the shots The Enquirer ran of you and Katie frolicking on the beach?
EIII: We just happened to be on vacation at the time and met up for smoothies on the board walk…
T: They showed you making out with her on a beach towel…
EIII:  Uhhhh…I fell on her.
T:  (silent)
EIII: …and gave her mouth to mouth…
T: (silent)
EIII:  Why?  Did she say something?
T: Let’s just move on.
EIII: (nervous laugh)
T:  Many fans of the original Star Wars have complained that your CG was over
the top and overtly unreal.  Would you like to respond to that?
EIII:  Are you trying to say my effects aren’t real?!
T: Er, I ummm,  I’m just saying…
EIII:  To think of all I’ve done for the fans…
T: Do you really think those things look real?
EIII: You don’t think they look real?  What are you saying, that I’m some kind of
cinematic bimbo?
T: Well, I mean…  I could spot your CGI from a mile away.  Those can’t be real..
EIII: So what if they aren’t!  I paid good money for these and they make me feel good about myself!
T: If that’s what it takes for you to feel good about yourself…
EIII: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
T: Good films don’t need fancy schmancy effects to feel good about them selves.  It has to do with powerful scripts, plot development, characterization and good directing.  Admit it!  You’re Lucas’ mid-life crisis!
EIII: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
T: Lucas should have just bought a motorcycle and taken Viagra instead of polluting an already filthily uncreative film scene with Industrial Lights and Magic superfluous garbage.

Unfortunately, the rest of the interview is unfit for general consumption.  The writer respectfully requests of the reader that no portion of this article be reprinted due to a pending lawsuit from Episode III and his team of lawyers.   Send all condolences to miraclevalley@gmail.com.

ha. well, that was embarassing. Although I will admit that it was kind of funny. right? Right?

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